fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
