i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
