I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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