My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
