Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
