I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
