i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
