I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
