The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
