is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
