wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
