Do vagina's smell?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
