Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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