I accidentally had phone sex last night
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
