I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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