I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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