so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
