Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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