it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
