This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
