So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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