So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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