census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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