Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
