I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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