well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
