Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
