dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
