I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
