The maid of honor just puked.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
