sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
