Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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