So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
