I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
