Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
