I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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