i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
