I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
