When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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