I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
