I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Welp...herpes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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