He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
