my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
