I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
