They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
