she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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