A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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