I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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