Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
