You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
