just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
