I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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