I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He shit in the fireplace
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
